Commuter Chronicle #6 - Worms in your Pockets

I just read an article that identified the Pompeii Worm (Alvinella Pompejana) as the the world's hottest animal. It can survive in an environment as hot as 176 degrees. If you're going to be a worm, that's the one to be. Nothing says I'm one bad ass worm better then 'Pompeii'. It's volcanic.

Another animal that should be considered is a guy I have nicknamed Stove Top. This guy is one giant human being. When my train slows down near the Rutherford station, my eyes start to peer down the walkways and past the office buildings, always looking to see which car he is about to turn into a furnace on rails.

Stove top is NFL lineman big. Big head, big feet and baseball mitts for hands. He stands over 6' 5" and must weigh in at over 280 lbs.

My core body temperature always seems to hover between 98.6 - 138.6 degrees regularly, so I do not need a 280 lb human rotisserie cozying up to me in a two seater. But fate has often stepped in and has made the introduction.

"Hey, how ya doin', I'm Fate... and dis here is a guy wit a core body temperature of 219 degrees. He's going to sit wit you... you alright wit dat?"

They don't make seats large enough for this guy's left butt cheek let alone both of his butt cheeks and he always finds a seat. This guy is not a stander. I have nowhere to go as I am jammed into the window of my train car. Then the heat begins. You might as well put a heating pad between our legs.

Now Stove Top either has a pocket full of Pompeii Worms or he is very excited to see me. Since Pompeii Worms live in hydrothermal vents deep in the Pacific Ocean just off the coast of Costa Rica, I doubt the creatures are lining the pockets of his Nike warm up pants. But then that leaves the fact that he may be excited to see me. Look, at a short 5' 7" and with a receding hairline and an occasional wild eyebrow hair that often attempts to climb over the top of my head like a an ivy plant, I do not consider myself much to get hot about. So, let's revisit the theory of Pompeii Worms in his pocket. It is a possibility.

• Where does one get Popmpeii Worms? After some research, I found that the worms are available at www.pompeiiworms.com, Amazon and at TrueValue Hardware stores.
  

• Then we need to identify why someone might want to carry Pompeii Worms in his pocket. I think it is obvious, eccentric yes, but obvious... ...cold legs.

• Next, we need identify what Pompeii Worms need to survive in one's pockets. The worms cannot subsist on old aloe infused kleenex scraps or pocket lint or without water. It says that on the wiki page, I read it. So, at minimum, they need saltwater and microbes. Zip lock bags, old medicine bottles or even Tupperware can be used to create the perfect habitat for the worms ...minus the volcanic thermal vents.
  

Going with my theory that Pompeii Worms in the pockets is a possibility, lets cap this rant off. The bottom line here is that whenever Stove Top or anyone who's body temperature can warm up my mac and cheese, comes and sits next to me, I should be prepared.

I just read an article that explained the word torpor. Stay with me here. This is important. Torpor is defined as a state of reduced activity resulting in the lowering of one's body temperature. See where we're going? Guess what animal can invoke torpor? Hummingbirds. It's getting clearer now isn't it?

I now carry around a Playmate cooler full of thawing but living and breathing hummingbirds. You see, I am prepared now. If I happen to catch old Stove Top and his thighs of fire, scanning the seat next to mine, guess who's jamming semi-frozen birds down his pants?