Commuter Chronicle #8 - Welche Art der Schaufel es ist

You may be asking yourself, what the hell does welche art der schaufel es ist mean? It is German for what brand of shovel do you have.

Now you may be asking yourself why the hell did I just type welche art der schaufel es ist? I mention it because the guy that said it this morning on my train, spoke with what I think was a German accent. Work with me here.

Now you may be asking yourself why the hell did this guy say welche art der schaufel es ist in English? Well, that's the reason I changed my train seat this morning. You see, der Gunther and the wienerschnitzels got on in Glen Rock today and immediately started cackling like a bunch of Austro-Bavarian crows.

The conversation was riveting.

Gunther: "Hey, vair ees Gary?"
Bratwurst: "I don't know."

Saurkrauten: "Guys, I bought a new shovel last night."

Bratwurst: "Gary's late. He's going to miss ze train."

Gunther: "Saurkrauten, what brand of shovel do you have?"

What brand of shovel? Are you kidding me? That's when I picked up an old chewed up Dunkin Donuts straw that I saw on the floor of the train and contemplated ramming deep into my ear canal just to end the madness. What happened to "Did you see the Sox game last night?" or "My boss is such a mental midget."

To give Gunther and the glockenspiels, credit, I Googled shovels.
There's the Gerber 22-41578 Gorge Folding Shovel, the Yo Ho Tools Pro Series Glasskor Drain Spade, D Handle and the old standby, the SEYMOUR Super Shovel.

I think Gunther may be the only living human being, other than a shovel manufacturer, who can name more than two brands of shovels. A skill I am sure he is quite proud of. Thank Colonel Hogan and his Heroes that we defeated the axis forces in WWII or we'd all be masters of long handled gardening equipment.

Just as an aside... I did move my seat away from the German consulate and ended up sitting next to a woman who incessantly, for 20 minutes, needed to snort and grunt and proceed to swallow the trace elements of her lingering head cold. Maybe I should have asked her if she owned a Gerber 22-41578 Gorge Folding Shovel. It may have been my only defense.